What to do when someone dies — a calm, step-by-step guide

When someone you love dies, you become — often suddenly — the person in charge of a list no one ever taught you how to write. This guide is the list. It is plain, it is in order, and it tries not to ask anything more of you than is necessary. You do not need to do everything in the first week. Most of it can wait. The few things that cannot are at the top.

The first hour

If the death has just happened, you mostly do not need to do anything. Sit if you can. Breathe if you can. The practical work begins after.

After that immediate call, you can pause. There is no further deadline in the next hour. Family members can be told a little later. The body will be cared for. You do not need to make decisions about funeral homes or services tonight.

The first 24 hours

Within the first day there are a handful of things that genuinely cannot wait. Everything else can.

1. Pick a funeral home or cremation provider. You do not need the perfect one. The funeral director will coordinate transport of the body and walk you through the certificate paperwork, the disposition decision (burial or cremation), and the service. Many families simply pick the closest reputable one.
2. Notify the closest family. Make a list of five to ten people. Divide the calls. It is okay to keep the messages very short.
3. Locate critical paperwork if you can. A will or trust, life insurance policies, the deed to a burial plot if one was bought, and any pre-planned funeral arrangements. None of these need to be acted on tonight, but knowing where they are saves you searching later.
4. Take care of any minor dependents or pets in the immediate household. If the person who died was the primary caregiver, this matters more than any of the above.

The first week

This is when the bulk of the funeral planning happens, and when the wider circle finds out and begins to respond. The work expands quickly. Try to do it with at least one other person — a sibling, a partner, an old friend who has done this before. The single hardest thing to do alone is to coordinate everyone else.

• Order at least ten certified copies of the death certificate. You will need them for banks, insurance, the DMV, retirement accounts, and many small things you don't yet know about. They are cheaper to order ten of than ten ones-of separately.
• Decide on the date, time, and venue of the service. Funeral homes will hold space for a few days; cemeteries and churches typically have specific availability.
• Draft an obituary. There is a separate guide for this — most newspapers have a length minimum and a deadline 24–48 hours before publication.
• Notify the wider circle. A memorial page is often easier than retyping the news in fifteen group texts.
• Begin collecting photos for the service and the memorial page. Ask family to send you four or five each — it is much easier to receive too many than to chase too few.
• Choose music, readings, and any speakers or officiant.
• Confirm catering or a reception if you are having one.

The first month

After the service, the immediate adrenaline ends and the longer paperwork begins. You will be tired. This is a normal and difficult moment. Try to space the administrative work out — one task per day is plenty.

• File life insurance claims. Most insurers respond in 2–4 weeks; some require the certified death certificate and a claim form.
• Notify the Social Security Administration (in the US, your funeral director often does this; verify it happened).
• Notify the employer of the deceased if they were working — they will need to handle final paychecks, benefits, and any retirement accounts.
• Cancel or transfer utilities, phone, cable, streaming subscriptions, and any recurring memberships.
• Close or freeze credit cards. The credit bureaus should also be notified to prevent identity theft.
• Contact a probate attorney if there is a will or estate of any complexity. Many families wait too long here.
• Send thank-you notes to those who sent flowers, food, or attended the service. You do not have to do them all at once.

The first year

The first year contains a series of firsts: the first birthday without them, the first anniversary, the first holiday. These will sometimes be quiet and sometimes be heavy. Both are normal. Many families find that the second year is somehow harder than the first because the wider circle has stopped checking in.

• Set quiet reminders for the dates that matter — their birthday, the anniversary of the death, your shared wedding anniversary if applicable. A simple calendar reminder is enough.
• Decide what you want to do with their things. There is no schedule for this. Some families wait a year; some keep everything indefinitely.
• Keep gathering memories. Ask people who knew them to write down a story. This becomes easier over time, not harder.
• Look at your own grief honestly. If the year mark passes and you are not getting through your days, that is worth talking to a doctor or counselor about. Grief is not a problem to be solved, but it can be carried with help.

How Mourning fits in

Mourning is a private digital space built around the list above. The family workspace gives you and the people you invite a pre-built version of the first-week checklist, a place to track funeral home decisions and vendors, a quiet thread for updates, and a calendar for the service and any gatherings. The memorial page handles the announcement, RSVPs, and a guestbook so the wider circle has somewhere to look. The archive is for the slower work of the first year and beyond — memories, photos, voice recordings, anniversary reminders, the things you'll want to come back to.

It is free for the first weeks. If you want to keep the archive permanent, the price is $199 once, never again. There is no subscription and no ads.