How to write an obituary — structure, tone, and what to include

An obituary is a short public announcement that someone has died, along with a brief portrait of who they were and the practical details of the service. It is harder to write than people expect, mostly because it is shorter than people expect. A good obituary leaves the reader with one or two true things about the person — not a complete biography.

What an obituary is, exactly

An obituary differs from a eulogy and from a memorial post. A eulogy is what one person says out loud at the service. A memorial post is what is shared on social media. An obituary is a written announcement, usually 200–600 words, that gets published in a newspaper and/or on the memorial page. It serves three functions at once: announcing the death, sketching who the person was, and giving the practical details of the service and how to honor them (donations, flowers, contact).

The structure most obituaries follow

Newspapers, memorial sites, and funeral directors all expect a similar five-part shape. You can deviate, but you'll save time if you start with this skeleton.

1. The announcement. One or two sentences. Their full name, age, where they died, and when. Sometimes the cause of death if the family chooses to include it. “Margaret Eleanor Hayes, 76, of Evanston, Illinois, died peacefully at home on Sunday, November 3, surrounded by her family.”
2. A short biography. Four to eight sentences. Where they were born and grew up, what they did for work, who they loved, what they cared about. The parts of their life that mattered to them, not the resume version. A reader who never met them should leave with one true picture.
3. Family — survivors and those who preceded them. A standard format helps here. “She is survived by her husband John of fifty-one years; daughters Sarah (Mark) and Anne (David); four grandchildren; and her sister Eleanor.” If you're listing in-laws, the convention is parentheses. “Preceded in death by” covers the people they have already lost.
4. The service details. Date, time, place, and any livestream link. If donations or flowers are preferred, say so plainly. “A celebration of life will be held Saturday, May 18, at 11am at St. Margaret's Church. In lieu of flowers, contributions in Margaret's memory may be directed to the Evanston Public Library.”
5. A closing line. One sentence. Optional. The line you want the reader to leave with. This is where families often write something specific — a saying, a way of being, a small image. Resist the urge to write something cosmic; the specific lands harder than the universal.

Tone: writing the person, not the template

The most common mistake in obituaries is using stock phrases that could be about anyone. “Passed away peacefully surrounded by family. She was a loving wife, mother, and grandmother.” These sentences are true of most people. They are also not memorable. The reader does not pause.

Better: pick one or two specific things. The thing she said to children who were scared. The dish he made that no one else could quite replicate. The instrument she played but rarely performed. A particular kind of bread. A specific volunteer commitment. Specificity sounds like the person; generality sounds like a form.

What gets cut

Newspaper editors and well-meaning family members will both try to cut for length. A few things almost always get cut first; defending them is worth it if they're the heart of the obituary.

• A specific image or anecdote often gets cut for being “personal” — but the specific images are the whole point. Defend them.
• Mentions of childhood pets, hobbies, or sports teams. Counterintuitively, these are some of the most-remembered details by readers.
• Lists of every grandchild's spouse. Cut these if length is a problem. People will not be offended.
• The closing line. If something has to go, the closing is the last to keep.

What newspapers require

If you are publishing in a newspaper, expect them to need: the full legal name of the deceased; the date and place of death; a contact name and number for verification (usually the funeral director or a designated family member); and final copy by a specific time, usually 24–48 hours before publication. Most newspapers will require the obituary to be submitted through the funeral home for verification — they will not accept it directly from the family without confirmation.

A short example

Using Mourning to draft an obituary

Mourning's writing assistant produces a draft from a handful of guided questions: their full name, what they were known for, who survives them, the tone, and any stories or details to include. The output uses the five-part structure above and adapts to your tone. Always have one family member read it aloud before submitting — it should sound like the person, in the family's voice. The AI is a starting point; the final language is yours.